I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
