mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
