Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
