apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
