I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
