I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
