Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
