Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
