Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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