no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
