So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
