just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
