oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
