I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
