"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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