I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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