They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
