so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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