I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
