I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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