i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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