I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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