Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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