every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
