Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
