I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
