News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
