Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
