Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
