addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
not ubering you a puppy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
