Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
