I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
