I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
