I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
