I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
