He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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