he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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