Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
