you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
