Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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