omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
