Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
