Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
