Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
