Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
