Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
