There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
