As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
