You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
