I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
