His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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